Open adoption is....

Heather at Production, Not Reproduction posted an Open Adoption Roundtable prompt:

“Open adoption is about information sharing.” Share your reaction to that statement. How well does it match up with your experience of open adoption? If you disagree, how would you finish the phrase, Open adoption is about...?"

I think it's safe to say that open adoption in theory is probably incredibly different than open adoption in practice. As a waiting, potential adoptive parent, my perspective is colored by an almost certain naivety that comes from hoping for (and working towards) an open adoption, rather than navigating an actual living, breathing open adoption relationship. Regardless, to me open adoption is more multi-faceted than simple “information sharing”. Here are my thoughts at this point in the process.

Open adoption is:

• leaving my pre-conceived ideas regarding families at the door;
• recognizing that open adoption looks different, unfolds in its own unique way, and means different things, to each participant in every single instance;
• surrendering my own selfish notions of what it means to be a mother in favor of what is best for my child;
• admitting that I won't have all the right answers, or make all the right decisions;
• acknowledging that it will often be challenging and complicated;
• developing and nurturing an honest relationship with the birth family;
• honoring this relationship and speaking truthfully about it with my child from the very beginning;
• believing that it is all so incredibly worth it.

When researching open adoption, I stumbled upon a quote that captures for me the essence of open adoption. It is from Micky Duxbury's book, Making Room in Our Hearts. One of the chapters is entitled, "This Baby Belongs to Herself, and the More People who Love Her, the Better." To me, that is just it. As parents, our role is to love, guide, comfort, and support - not to lay claim. This means getting our egos out of the way as much as possible and focusing on what is best for the child.

I look forward to revisiting this idea once open adoption becomes a practice for me, rather than a possibility.