Confession #2: The Guilt Factor

I have been struggling lately with the concept of guilt - especially as it pertains to the adoption process.


I have always wanted to be a mother, to share my life and my love with a child.  That I can become a mother through adoption is a miraculous concept to me.  But I admit - I'm impatient.  I can't wait for the day when I can hold that little peanut and know that I'm a mom, that we belong together, that this time spent waiting and hoping and praying has been so incredibly worth it.


And that's when the guilt kicks in.


Because, in order for me to become a mother there will have to be another woman out there who finds herself in a less than ideal situation.  Who has to struggle with the implications and ramifications of an unplanned or unexpected pregnancy.  Who has to weigh her options, and make decisions that will have life-altering, lasting consequences.


So, each time I hope for the joy of a match, I can't help but think of the woman who will be ultimately grieving a loss...and it makes my heart hurt.